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Time to Hit the Restart Button

Posted on by whateveryousay12013

fall leaves

Photo credit: humbledavenport.com

The display of fall colors is beginning to show.  For me, the beginning of the year is September!  I know that technically, January 1st is the beginning of the year because that is when every new calendar year starts.  But other than a date change, it’s just not the beginning to me.  September means ‘hit the restart button’. I’ve felt this way since I was a young girl.

RestartButton USE THIS ONE                                                                    Photo credit: imgarcade.com

Maybe it’s because school always starts at this time of year?  Maybe it’s because the new TV line up starts in the fall?  Maybe it’s because the United Methodist Church, with which I am pretty involved, runs on a fall-to-summer schedule?  Maybe it’s a combination of all of these things?  Regardless, every September I find myself thinking ‘time to restart.’  And this fall season is no exception. I literally have butterflies in my stomach thinking of the possibilities!

I am busy setting goals for this final third of 2017.  Some are continued but reviewed (and maybe tweaked a bit), some are new.  They include writing goals, health & fitness goals, and financial goals, to name a few.  I know that may sound like a lot, but if goals are broken down into reasonable bites, they are manageable.  And trackable.  They need to be manageable and trackable or you’ll get overwhelmed and possibly lose sight of what you set out to achieve in the first place.

“Setting goals is the first step in turning the invisible into the visible.” – Tony Robbins

I wholeheartedly believe this.  Many goals start with a thought like this: “I wish I could lose 25 pounds.” The key is to take a thought like that and work backwards, putting the steps in place to get to that point. That’s really goal setting in a nutshell.

I believe that setting goals, real, achievable goals, takes dreams out of the ‘someday’ realm and makes them a reality.  And when you measure and track them, the results are motivating and should be celebrated!

What are some of your goal setting tips?  What do you find are the best ways to motivate yourself to set goals?

 

Judy

A Letter to My Mom

Posted on by whateveryousay12013

mom-and-aunt-bev

Mom and Aunt Bev

It’s been a long time since we’ve talked. Almost 38 years. I still remember that warm, August night in 1979. I remember Keith walking in (though he should have been at work…a bad sign) and saying, “Mom’s gone.” Although I understood the meanings of those two words individually, when my brother linked them together, their meaning escaped me. “Gone?” I asked. How was a girl not yet 13 supposed to accept that her mom has just died? I knew you were in the hospital because you were sick. But seriously, you were never coming back? You were my mom. Moms come back. But you didn’t. I felt so guilty not having talked to you on the phone that day to tell you I love you. I was busying playing. I figured I could call you the next day. But there was no next day. If only there was a way for us to know when we have reached our last “next day”.

I didn’t understand everything you were going through in the hospital. I thought it was just the illness. Emphysema was serious, I knew. But I had no idea of the other struggles you had. I wasn’t aware of your struggle to not be afraid all of the time or your struggle with depression. Your struggle to just exist and blend with society was overwhelming for you. All of this was too much for you. You were mentally and physically exhausted.

I will never understand exactly what went through your mind. I was only told you gave up. You needed to just let go so you stopped fighting to live. I get that now. But at that point, I only saw you stopping the fight to be my mom. When you let go you, let go of me, too. And I fell. Although I landed in a house with family, it was not a home for me. It was cold and lonely.  It was clear that it would be better if I were just a visitor rather than a permanent resident. But that is another story. Let’s get back to our story.

For a long time, even though I missed you terribly, I was angry. I was angry that you left me. I felt you abandoned me. Once I was in my 20s I started asking questions.  I learned through conversations with your sister and my cousins where you really were back then; not physically but mentally and emotionally. I felt guilty all over again. This time I felt guilty for being angry.

I learned that much of our family, by this time, was suffering with varying degrees of depression.   Sure, now you can’t turn on the TV and not see a commercial for a prescription med that treats depression. But in 1979 it wasn’t so acceptable and well-known. It makes me sad to think that maybe you felt lonely because you were different. Maybe you felt like you were crazy?  Maybe you felt like you couldn’t be my mom because you were different?

I started researching mental illness and depression. I talked with professionals. I took several Psychology classes. I read a lot. It made me sad to think that you were so lost in your own mind and couldn’t break free. I want you to know that I understand now. I’m sorry it took me so long to get it but I do. Your battle was bigger than any of us knew. I still miss you terribly. But I am not angry. I don’t feel abandoned and I am not lonely. You will be happy to know that I do not suffer from depression. I’m not cheerleader-perky every day, but I do okay. I rely on God. Prayer combats the bad days.

Mom, during our brief time together, you taught me how to love. You were an example of how to show the people in my life that they are important to me. You made me a better mom.  I miss you so much, every day.

Write back soon.

 

Love,

 

Judy

 

Time Travel

Posted on by whateveryousay12013

Time Travel 1

The other day, a friend asked me, “If you could time travel, where would you go?”  I replied, “Maybe back to the 70s, when I was a kid.” She was surprised that that’s as far back as I would go.  I guess, to me, ‘time travel’ always conjured up the idea of going back in my lifetime and fixing something or making different choices, all based on what I know now. 

Recently, my answer would still be to travel back to when I was younger, but with a different spin.  You see, I’ve been reading some books lately that would probably be classified as history books.  I’ve read a book about Ronald Regan, Princess Diana and currently, I’m reading one about James Garfield. 

The books about Regan and Princess Di, specifically, struck a chord with me.  All of what I read about Regan’s presidency and all of Diana’s public life, happened during my lifetime.  Yet, there was so very much of it that I wasn’t aware of.  Regan’s presidency came about when I was a very young adult. I was 18.  Although I was classified as an adult, I wasn’t mature enough to pay much attention to presidential candidacies or to realize that I was potentially affected by who won or lost. 

As for Princess Diana, I was 14 when she and Prince Charles were married.  It was a huge deal.  I remember bits of her life like her charity work, the stories of Camilla and Charles, and the day Diana died. But there was so much more.  

When my friend asked me that question, I realized that now, I’d like to go back to my younger days but not to just fix random things.  I wouldn’t go back to bring winning lottery numbers with me, or to tell off an ex-boyfriend, or anything silly like that. I’d like to go back to pay attention to the world around me.  I’d like to focus more on things that were world changing.  Experience the world around me. Maybe then, better decisions would be made based on what I was learning? Different choices would be made based on who I was becoming? 

This thought pattern, about going back to the past, can sometimes lead to some reflecting thoughts.  At least, for me.  I turned 50 this past October.  With that, I found myself reflecting A LOT.  I didn’t decide to sit and reflect.  It just happened.  In fact, it’s still happening. 

The first thought was how little, if ever, we reflect when we are younger.  Is it because there isn’t anything to reflect about, yet?  I don’t really think that’s it.  I think, for me, it was because there was so much more time ahead of me that I still had some sort of a do-over chance to do something better. 

I have learned when reflecting that it is important to be aware of the fine line that lies between reflecting and regretting.  Those two words are similar in that they refer to a person looking back over their life.  However, the results can be very different.

Reflecting is looking over old photographs, sifting through memories, perhaps even using that time as a sort of education as to what to do going forward or to help guide my daughter and grandson.  Regret, however, can lead to negative feelings such as anger toward yourself or others and frustration over a past that cannot be changed.  I’ve done my share of regretting, too.

I don’t think my friend expected this type of response when she asked me the question about time travel.  I think she was looking for a more lighthearted answer.  Maybe it’s just the place I am in my life right now, but, I allowed her question to really get me thinking of the past and that has shaped my thoughts about my present and my future.

Do you reflect much? If not, why not?

 

 

 

Getting ready

Posted on by whateveryousay12013

2016 is almost passed.  It’s time to start thinking about goals for 2017.  Before I go any further, I want to say that I don’t use the word ‘resolutions’ because, after all these years, it sounds fake.  I remember setting New Year’s resolutions starting back when I was a teen.  But they were rarely ever reached.

Looking back, I think that is because I never really put anything behind them.  They were vague.  I guess I never really took them too seriously.  That’s still how I think about the word ‘resolution’ today.  It’s kind of silly.  But that’s just me….

Instead, I use the word GOALS. Goals seem more real, more serious.  When I say serious, I don’t mean boring or unattainable.  I just mean they are substantial and worthy.

I set goals for 2016 and some didn’t make it.  That both frustrates and fuels me.  I’m frustrated that I missed the mark on some of them that were, and are still, important to me.  But this also fuels me.  I’m determined to figure out where I went wrong.

  • Were they too vague?
  • Were they unmeasurable so I lost sight of them?
  • Were they too big and I ended up feeling overwhelmed?

The goal categories, as I call them, still remain the same: HEALTH, CAREER, FINANCES, CHURCH, HOME

But the goals themselves need to be tweaked, maybe.  And it wouldn’t hurt to review the paths to these goals, too. This week is a week of review and renew!  I will review the old plan and create a new one for 2017.

Have you started working on your goals for 2017?

Beach Thoughts

Posted on by whateveryousay12013

 

beach1

I recently spent some time at the beach, on the shores of Lake Erie, this past weekend.  I found myself thinking how much I missed this view.  This sound.  This sand.  I live very close to this state park. Why don’t I spend more time here?

Sitting there listening to the waves and watching the water roll was mesmerizing and so peaceful.  I couldn’t help but realize that time is not limitless.  What is important is spending that time pursuing what matters.  As I wondered why I never come to the beach, I thought about what I was doing instead.  Am I using my time to pursue what’s important or am I drifting?

The answer is drifting.

What do I want to focus on? What’s important to me? Communicating.

Communication is fundamental. Even so, it doesn’t necessarily come easy for everyone. A lot about communication comes from experience.   Some of it is learned.   I am excited about communication and about sharing this excitement with others.   Let’s take this roller coast journey of communication together.  We can figure it out as we go along.

More to come…